Mayhem and madness at the Orland Park pool

Our first real super hot day of the summer, over 90 degrees and came close to 100. Or so they said. Regardless, it sure felt like it. And it sure felt even better to have a membership at the Orland Park Centennial Pool.

Members get in at 11 am, and it was already steaming and humid. And guests don't get in until noon. So, when we got there early Sunday, we were able to easily find some lawn chairs and stake out a nice spot in the sun, partially covered by an umbrella.

The OPCP is one of the best. It has two large pools, many slides and diving boards and a lazy river that is very cool. It has a grassy knoll that surrounds the north end of the pool complex so there is extra space to stretch out and enjoy the sun. The food -- pizza mostly -- isn't bad. And the place is always clean.

But when it's pushing 100 and it's the first real hot summer day of the summer, you know that place is going to be packed like a sardine can. And by 1 pm the place was crammed. And I mean crammed.

The biggest problem, of course, is when non-resident non-members come in after paying (I think it is $12 a person) to get in and they can't find chairs to sit, they get upset. They start roaming the pool like wolf packs, prowling for unsuspecting chairs. Literally, people would stand next to a chair that had a towel and book on it, and if no one was looking, they'd nudge the towel and book on the pool deck and then lift the chair and walk it across to the other side.

It was brutal. Cutthroat. People were eying chairs like they were naked super models. You could not leave your cluster alone without seeing a chair disappear. And I must have had 100 people come up to me while I protected the chair for the wife and one for my son, and ask, "Is that chair taken."

"No, people in Orland Park are so rich they buy towels and then throw them away when they're finished. Why wash them? Just toss them."

Of course, that's what I wanted to say, but most of the time the people asking couldn't speak very good English anyway. I didn't realize we had such a large community of foreign language speakers. So I would say, "Yes, they are taken."

They'd turn and go to the next person and it went on and on all day. if you started to get up as a family. If Alison and Aaron and I got up at the same time, we would be surrounded by tag teams ready to fight for the chairs.

Sorry folks. If it were up to me, I'd charge an entrance fee based on the temperature. The warmer it is, the most costly. For $150 a year, why not just buy a membership fee and not hassle with all the problems.

But people come from as far as Chicago, Mokena, New Lenox, Oak Lawn and Joliet to enjoy the Orland Park Centennial Pool. I can't blame them.

But it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

-- Ray Hanania

www.RadioChicagoland.com

BREAKING NEWS: Orland Park swimmers flee pool in squeamish panic

BREAKING NEWS: Orland Park swimmers flee pool in squeamish panic
By Ray Hanania

(Orland Park, Sunday June 1, 2008) – Swimmers enjoying the first real summer-like Sunday rushed out of the waters of Orland Park’s Centennial pool in a panic Sunday after what appeared to be an attack of “Baby Ruths.”

No injuries were reported, but the Orland Park pool was evacuated immediately.

Witnesses said that around 4:48 PM, as the Ed and Patsy Bruce Country music favorite “Mama Don’t Let Your Children Grow up to be Cowboys” was playing on the pool intercom system, a swimmer saw the shadow of the frightening image floating around in the “children’s section.”

Orland Park lifeguards acted quickly and ordered swimmers to flee the pool as other lifeguards braving the shocked gasps of nearby swimmers, cordoned off the section of water with chaise lounge chairs.

One witness said she was in shock. “This doesn’t happen in our neighborhood? My gosh!”
Another witness told this reporter, “Why do they have to call them Baby Ruths? I like Baby Ruths. Why can’t they call them Clark Bars? I don’t like Clark Bars.”

In fact, many witnesses stared at the cordoned off section of the pool in disbelief. “I’ve been through many evacuations at the pool. A lightening warning. They have a light for that. Thunder storm warnings. They use the same light. We’ve never had a Hurricane or Cyclone alert. Why no special alarm for Baby Ruth sightings?”

The pool was immediately evacuated of all its swimmers and closed for the remainder of the evening. “Baby Ruth” counselors were reportedly called in and made available to any families who might have suffered shock. It was even rumored that pamphlets were distributed that listed Comcast Cable TV showings of Harold Ramis’ 1980 movie “Caddyshack” as a part of the post-traumatic shock information campaign.

People who looked like pool officials said, “Baby Ruth attacks happen occasionally. This is the first one this season.”

According to other sources, “Baby Ruth” attacks happen quite often.

“I remember back in 2000 odd 2, we had a string of attacks,” one elderly swimmer with his swimsuit drooping down his backside remarked.

Health officials say pool operators have only one choice when a “BR” attack occurs: “Close the pool, period!”

No one was available from Orland Township to provide health guidance.

The Orland Park Centennial pool combines the baby swimming area with the adult swimming area in a “zero depth” setting. It was expected to be cleaned, sanitized and refilled with fresh water and readied for re-opening Monday morning.

In other news, the pool raised its fee for non-residents and non-season pass holders to $12 per day. Residents without a season pass pay $6 per day or $3 after 5 PM.

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